It's been a few months.
A lot has been going on, and right now is a time of self discovery, and re-evaluation of my life.
Something major that I learned just today, is that although I have done a lot of silly things, made some stupid mistakes, hurt people, and myself, I would not change one thing. You know how people half assedly say that they don't regret anything? That's not what I'm talking about. I do regret certain things in my life, because I'm not proud of every moment. However, if I had the option to choose a different path, by changing some of the things that happened in my past, I would chose not to change anything. The reason why is because, I gained a true sense today that it is the pains, hurts, emotional whirlwinds, and traumas that I have experienced that will make me the woman that I will become in the future.
I am in a stage of my life right now that isn't my prime, not my brightest moment. I am not doing the best I can, and I know that because of this I am causing myself stress, pain, and heartache. However, one day I will be able to cry tears of joy, with a heart of peace. I know this because as long as I don't quit, I will become a "glorious mess". I wrote the most vulnerable poem I have ever written in my life today, and entitled it this. I would share it below, but it will be in my 3rd book one day. I pretty much mention some of the most painful things I currently experience now, and many of my own mishaps that caused a lot of my situations, then say that one day, all this pain will be a treasure because my story will one day help others. I'll one day achieve the things I want to accomplish. I will one day truly experience happiness. One day I will truly love myself. I know that I have to work on the messiness in my life right now to get that point, but I am never going to again wish my life was different. I will accept the fact that I have made a mess of life, just like all of us imperfect human beings have done at some point. I will be like my friend Chloe said, an arrow. Right now I am getting pulled back as far as possible in one of the darkest moments of my life. One day though, I will be shot tworads greatness. Although the journey there is extremely painful at times, I know in the end, it will be a glorious mess, and for that, I am grateful.
Two of the songs I listened to today to help me come to this realization are Eternal Sunshine (which might seriously be my new favorite song in life like OMGGG) and Promises by Jhene Aiko off her new album Souled Out (not sponsored)
PS. you can/ will overcome what you're going through too, just don't give up!
Love,
Natasha Redford Poetry
