Glorious Mess

Hey =)
It's been a few months.

A lot has been going on, and right now is a time of self discovery, and re-evaluation of my life.

   Something major that I learned just today, is that although I have done a lot of silly things, made some stupid mistakes, hurt people, and myself, I would not change one thing. You know how people half assedly say that they don't regret anything? That's not what I'm talking about. I do regret certain things in my life, because I'm not proud of every moment. However, if I had the option to choose a different path, by changing some of the things that happened in my past, I would chose not to change anything. The reason why is because, I gained a true sense today that it is the pains, hurts, emotional whirlwinds, and traumas that I have experienced that will make me the woman that I will become in the future.
   I am in a stage of my life right now that isn't my prime, not my brightest moment. I am not doing the best I can, and I know that because of this I am causing myself stress, pain, and heartache. However, one day I will be able to cry tears of joy, with a heart of peace. I know this because as long as I don't quit, I will become a "glorious mess". I wrote the most vulnerable poem I have ever written in my life today, and entitled it this. I would share it below, but it will be in my 3rd book one day. I pretty much mention some of the most painful things I currently experience now, and many of my own mishaps that caused a lot of my situations, then say that one day, all this pain will be a treasure because my story will one day help others. I'll one day achieve the things I want to accomplish. I will one day truly experience happiness. One day I will truly love myself.  I know that I have to work on the messiness in my life right now to get that point, but I am never going to again wish my life was different. I will accept the fact that I have made a mess of life, just like all of us imperfect human beings have done at some point. I will be like my friend Chloe said, an arrow. Right now I am getting pulled back as far as possible in one of the darkest moments of my life. One day though, I will be shot tworads greatness.  Although the journey there is extremely painful at times, I know in the end, it will be a glorious mess, and for that, I am grateful.


Two of the songs I listened to today to help me come to this realization are Eternal Sunshine (which might seriously be my new favorite song in life like OMGGG) and Promises by Jhene Aiko off her new album Souled Out (not sponsored)

PS. you can/ will overcome what you're going through too, just don't give up!

Love,
Natasha Redford Poetry

Kangaroo. Spoken Word by Natasha Redford Poetry

Sup! I just wanted to invite you to check out my spoken word entitled Kangaroo! It's a piece about "boys" that think they're a man but aren't due to the fact that they feel like it's ok to bring a life into the world then not give a care about it until after it's 18 (child support *cough cough*) and then see how they can benefit from the relationship. I don't like "boys" like that. It takes a special kind of low to look into the eyes of a child, or baby, or teen that is crying out for their father, and you not care, you know? Too often we are selfish and just think about what makes us happy, however, we don't think about the fact that most of our happiness comes at a price for someone else. Example: I treat myself to getting my nails done at the salon, someone has to wake up, drive to work, and do them for me. This poem address how sperm donors (aka dead beat dads) do this, too. the result of this action could lead to many things: our men ending up in prison due to the lack of fatherly guidance, pregnant mothers out of wedlock as early as 12 years old because they looked for the love of daddy in another guy she called "daddy", a repetition of history of them doing the same to their children because they think it's ok. But what will happen for sure is heartbreak, a lifelong journey of it, as well as a destroyed relationship, that won't ever be what a normal father and child relationship should be. Hey guys, listen IT IS NOT OK FOR YOU TO MAKE A CHILD AND ABANDON IT! What if God did that to us? Do you know how f*cked you would be? Think about it. We all were his children, but the only child of his that was perfectly good, Jesus, died because he wanted us, his imperfect children to be saved from our own sins. What if God was just like, well, I have better things to do, I'll just wipe them out and do me?  You wouldn't be able to screw the women, and buy the Jordan's that are made for less than $10 that you spend top dollar for, because we would ALL be wallowing in hell! So yeah, this is dedicated to all the guys out there who had no problem getting laid, then left the woman and the child to be on their own. Happy father's day to you. Ok rant over. But if you enjoy the video, please show it some love by sharing this post, or the vid itself on the social media sites!

Much love,
Natasha Redford Poetry

ps. this poem is actually in my debut book that you can purchase here!  also, if you ever want a spoken word artist at your event, book me! natashathepoet@yahoo.com

It Isn't good, but It can Change.

Hey. I hope you're well. It isn't good being in a place where you are almost at rock bottom, if not already there. That's where I am, or almost am, I'm not sure. I am doing REALLY well with my spoken word ventures lately. I have shared "Good People" with an entire country (Belize) with great feedback. I have done shows with almost 100 people in attendance in the downtown of my city. I have gotten asked to perform at sell out premieres with over 200 people there, many of which told me that my poems greatly blessed them. Heck, I did a show yesterday and will have two produced spoken word vids soon from it. I won a micro grant for my 2nd book. Let's see if I can predict the future, (It'll be out September 2015). Also, I have received ALL 5 star ratings for, and have sold almost 100 copies of my first book which you can purchase here .Spoken word has been going really well for me, but every other area of my life, not so much.

School, Jesus. I hate talking about my grades, because while most of my friends are already graduated or on the Dean's List, I am struggling, badly. Although I do have several A's and B's on my transcript, I also have many much lower than that. My mistake was not believing that I was smart enough in the beginning, so I didn't try as hard so that when I failed, it wouldn't hurt as bad. Ever since, I haven't really had the confidence that I could carry my GPA up to a 3.anything. Now I am 4 years in and most of my friends are graduating, while I still have years to go. One thing I know though is no matter how long it takes or even if I don't get a degree, God will do some AMAZING things through me.

Home, I probably shouldn't go into much detail about that here, but I will just say that everyone thinks that I value my friends over my blood because I am never home. I am an active person. I like to go out, be out, do things outside of my house. I think they confuse that with "I don't want to be around you". I will have my family until death, but my 20's will only happen during this period of my life, and I want to enjoy it. I don't party, smoke, drink, screw around, etc, but I do like to go out with my friends A LOT. We have a strong bond, but perhaps I can balance my home and outer life better, even if it means not doing much of anything at home. Love means sacrifices.

Weight, something I need to lose. All of my life, I was very fit and healthy, because I was in martial arts. WTSDA to be exact. I never realized how fit I was because it was a lifestyle for me, and it was all  I knew. Once I quit, I began to eat instead of punch B.O.B. (a punching body type bag named bob that martial artists use). Last summer was when I gained so much weight that I am now ashamed of my body. During last summer, it was living on my own out of state for the first time, being in a really bad environment with evil, broken people, having my grandfather die of stage 4 lung cancer and remembering the last time I talked to him on the phone I rushed him off because I was tired from work, finding out this news via Facebook, trying to finish up writing the happy section of my poetry book a midst this news, trying to stay happy even though 40 publishers denied my book for various reasons, and living with two alcoholics and sex addicts that caused me to eat my way to 31 pounds. At the time, writing poetry was not therapeutic, but stressful for me as I was trying to finish up my book. In the loser town I was in, the only thing I could do to cope was eat. I gained almost 40 damn pounds in one summer! It is still a struggle to get that weight back off. I lost 15 pounds, but gained it all back. Now I am at the biggest I have ever been and with people constantly reminding me of my new weight number and calling me fatso, it has caused my confidence to go to the toilet.

Love, thankfully I know of my savior's love. His love is the only true love. But I struggle with wanting more, selfish, I know. It is apart of our make up to be desired by a significant other. That is something that hasn't happened for me yet, unless you count a stalker, (straight up =(   ) or a 40 something year old man when you're 17. I have liked good men. that for whatever reason don't see in me what I see in them. At this point in my life, even though I'm only 21, I don't see a point in being  with someone, unless marriage is the end result, or at least the intention. I didn't get to hold the boy's hand in 1st grade that I thought was cute. I never got to pass a note saying "check yes or no in the box" in the 6th grade. I never will be able to, and sooner or later, (actually later) I want children, and I don't want a dead beat baby daddy as their father. So when I develop feelings for someone, which isn't very often, I have them so strongly that I could see myself marrying that person. That has only happened twice with me. But imagine how heartbreaking it would feel to see yourself with someone forever, and they don't feel the same way. That has happened to me twice. It has triggered so many of my poems, and caused a deep emptiness in me since the age of 16, when I first got rejected by a crush whom I only liked because he told me I was a beautiful person on the inside. Perhaps it's my own fault that I get heartbroken, because maybe I shouldn't see myself marrying someone, but my dad was never around to teach me how to love a man. When I was younger, I thought that my dad didn't stick around because he didn't love me. So I computed in my head, that if my own dad didn't love me, then no other guy would either, and therefore I wasn't worthy of love. It is something I still struggle with to this day.

Self, is a never ending list of things I personally need to work on. I swear, complain, and am pessimistic about a lot of things, all of which I have tried to change. I have addictions,. idols, personality flaws, setbacks, and other issues that I need to work out within myself. Not being the person that you want to be really sucks. When I look around at other people who are seemingly doing well, and have confidence while I lack it, it makes me feel dark and empty sometimes. I know I shouldn't do that, but it's human nature to sometimes. It's really easy to do when you aren't where you want to be in life however, it can change.

In my last post, I talked a little bit about Chapter Focus Week, which is a nice Christian retreat for college students of all faiths, or lack thereof. While I was there with my InterVarsity chapter, and in my Refine Reality track, we learned about 8 steps to change. They are...

1. Establish and urgency (why do you need to change)
2. Gather community for change (who do you know that can relate or wants to change too?)
3. Develop a vision for change (because if you fail to plan, you plan to fail!)
4. Communicate change (have someone hold you accountable!)
5. Empower people to act (You know they want to change too!)
6. Create and celebrate short term goals (Reward your progress!)
7. Produce MORE CHANGE (have a domino effect on other areas!)
8. MAKE IT STICK! (don't let it be a phase, make it a permanent lifestyle choice!)

*The above 8 step plan is not my original plan, I am not taking credit for it, neither is InterVarsity. 

HOW TO MOTIVATE YOURSELF TO ACTUALLY CHANGE!

One tip that I have that may really have a huge impact on the amount of effort that you put into doing well in your change process, is making sure you do NOT skip step six, but rather focus on it! I am choosing rewards that I want REALLY BAD! I mean something that is a huge treat to myself, and that way, I will be more likely to work hard to obtain them! I even made a pin board of my rewards so that I don't lose sight on what I want. check it out here! Also, I recommend putting your goals up somewhere you can actually SEE them everyday! I got a plain cork board, and I painted it pink and added silver glitter stripes and made it a chevron style board! It's not perfect, but it's very pretty to me, and I will definitely look at it everyday! I am going to pin up my goals on the board, as well as the rewards so everyday I can see what I am working so hard for! 

  

So, this is what I plan on doing, changing! Realizing you have a problem is a good thing, because that's one of the hardest concepts for a lot of people! However, once you see that you have a problem, you need not be comfortable in it, but change it! That is what I am spending this summer doing, making changes. As my friend Harvey would say, if you read this far, you deserve a cookie! If you did read this far seriously, I would love it if you pray for me to change. I will be doing the same for you. It's never to late, and it may be hard, but it will be worth it. Make the change you need to to become the person you want to be. The only thing stopping you is truly you. 

Love, 

Natasha 

p.s.  You'll never know unless you pursue 

My dear sweet friend, the things you can do
You can light up  a room, like a star in the sky
But you must spread your wings before you can fly 

*A copyrighted stanza from the poem "You'll Never Know" from my book The Colors of Life: A Collection of Poems  

Redefine Reality

Hello! How are you doing? I hope you're doing well. I wanted to share with you readers what I learned this year at Chapter Focus Week. If you're wondering "What the heck is that?" it's an Intervarsity conference held in the upper peninsula of Michigan, where you bond with your IV chapter, other chapters, dwell in God's presence, and forget about the world for the rest of the week! =) Here's my chapter! If you are wondering what Intervarsity is don't worry, that will be another post soon! God really broke my heart this week! Since this was my 4th time going, I honestly was just expecting my high point of the week to be chillaxing in God's beautiful nature up in the U.P. However God was like "or nah" (if He was ratchet). Not only did God reveal himself to me, but he also transformed 3 of my friend's  lives by leading them back to Him! Amazing right?! But this post is mainly going to be about what I learned in my track which was Redefine Reality. So me along with this amazing group of people (below) took this track. Probably none of us were in store for what God was going to do that week, I know I wasn't. The very first thing we did was talk about our heritage. I was like "ok" *rolls eyes* Notice I'm the only speck of chocolate in the photo. (below) I wondered if us having to share our heritage would have anything to do with that fact. I didn't want to have to say, "Well half of my heritage I don't even know due to my father never being there" which is the typical black kid's story unfortunately, but I did. Then we went outside (it's forever cold in the U.P.) and did this "Privilege Race." We had to step forward or backwards based off our race, gender, and socioeconomic status. We all started off in the same spot, but we ended up in different places, me being dead last. Some examples of  scenarios were: "If you had a savings account as a kid, had a car in high school, or had 2 parents in the household take a step forward". "If you are Asian take a step back, black, 3 steps black, didn't have enough money to make ends meet, take a step back". Guess who ended up dead last? Me, and all the other "minorities". In first place were 3 white students. It made me very sad because at the end of that race, we had the opportunity to race for chocolate but we had to do it from where we were standing from. I didn't even have a chance, so I turned around and walked back inside. I was like wow, this is real life. We each have different privilege, but we don't look back to help those behind us; their struggle, their problem. This was one of the most impacting moments for our track, because it paved the way for what was to come.

 Throughout the week, we looked at many passages from the gospels like that of John where Jesus was with the woman at the well. He was legit and talked to a woman that was considered trash among the Jews and her own people because she "got around" She had 5 husbands and had a man now who wasn't her husband. We also looked at the good ol' beginning, Genesis where we looked at how beautiful God intended for our world to be. Shalom (peace) was a big word for the week. During this week, we also learned about how we contribute to the world's problems such as the sex industry, by buying items from sex charged advertising companies or watching pornography. We also got to feel a small taste of how it feels to have something you created with a purpose destroyed =(. We had something we created for someone else, and we left the room for 10 minutes and it was destroyed! We were all confused, upset, and hurt. But hey, guess what? We do it to God everyday. Every time we choose to sin, and ignore other people and the injustices of the world. Imagine how God feels when every second someone whom He created to live in Shalom messes up what he created.

There were many other valuable things we talked about in this track, such as how to deal with tough issues on our campus involving students that are outcasts such as minorities and people of the LGBTQ community, and also the importance of sharing the  Good News with those on campus BEFORE you graduate! But I don't want to give it all away! In the end however, we ended as we began; with the privilege race. I told our track leader that I wasn't going to like this game. I thought maybe the questions would be different this time, so that we could all step up together, but NOOOO! They were the exact same! We weren't though. Carrie, a very wonderful lady in the track held my hand, and I when she stepped up, I did, and when I stepped back she did. Then something crazy happened. Almost all of us held hands and stepped forward together, and back together. We shared struggles and privileges. We acknowledged those who had to deal with things in life that we did not, and embraced those who had certain privileges. We made up our own rules, and by the end of the game, no one stepped forward unless EVERYONE could. They gave up their privilege, so that we could stay together. In the end, we held hands and all ran together for the chocolate. That time, they gave me chocolate. I had never been so touched before. We redefined reality, and you can too!

Love always,
Natasha

Let Him Use You: Spoken Word Natasha Redford

Hello =)
I guess since the name of this blog is Natashathepoet I should have some poetry/spoken word right?
Here is a piece that I wrote about letting God use you. We talked about this at church. Our pastor said that we as Christians, are very quick to say that we believe that Christ died on the cross for us, and that he's real AND we believe in Him in general. However, when it comes to us being called to do something, or doing something, or simply believing in ourselves, we don't because we are afraid we cannot, or we feel like someone else is equipped to handle the job. This is a problem because if we believe the Most High, and the savior, the most perfect being, AND he lives in us, then why is it that we doubt what he can do in us and through us? Crazy huh? Well, we do it all the time and it's not right; God does not instill fear in us. Another reason why it's wrong is because if we are too afraid to do what God calls us to, then what would ever get done for the kingdom" Nothing! Everyone else would say someone better can do it and nothing would ever get done. God calls us to do certain things. He wouldn't do so if he knew you couldn't do it! So, let him use you. That's what this piece is on. I have been scared plenty of times when God has asked  me to do things, however, he has never forsaken me. Here's an example.

   I have been writing poetry since I was 14, never expecting it to go this far. When I first started writing, I wrote for myself when I was pissed off at the world, or when I felt sad or angry. I wrote other poems too, but that was mainly it.I felt God call me to start writing about him since, you know, he's the one who gave me the gift. So I thought "why not"? I believe the first poem I wrote about God was called "God is Your Father" which you can find in my book entitled "The Colors Of Life: A collection of poems" on Amazon ;) I shared it at this thing called coffeehouse, that my InterVarsity chapter does. (if you're wondering what that is, don't worry, that's a whole other post ;) ) It was my first time really sharing my poems publicly, and ever since then, it kind of sparked something in me.
   In the midst of writing my book, I became quite inspired to look at other spoken word artists share their work. An artist who goes by "theasiaproject" came and did some spoken word for our school. I was amazed by this statement more than any other words he spoke. "I'm so blessed because I get to travel the world and share my story!" I had an epiphany, I wanted to do that too. I sent a book long text message to my friend about how I wanted to do that but I was too scared. Not good enough. Not skilled enough. Others were better at it, like theasiaproject. Of course my friend encouraged me to believe differently. So I did. I prayed to God and told him that I wanted to do this spoken word thing. I wanted to be like theasiaproject and travel to other places and share my story. So I told God how scared I was, but promised him that if he gave me the opportunities, I would take them, and that would be his way of showing me if I was called to do it. Less than a minute after I said Amen (I swear this is no lie) a paper floated by me in a remote area. I flipped it over and it said: Open mic sign up sheet. I was like God, I didn't mean this soon, dang! but nonetheless, God definitely called me to it, because he has been blessing me with opportunity after opportunity.
Had I not let God use me, I wouldn't have gone to Belize to share "Good People" with students throughout the entire country. I wouldn't be writing a book for the youth right now, with my city's support, and I wouldn't have had a jam packed house full of people who wanted to by my book, and support my dream. If you allow God to use you however, it may not always be pretty. There have been times when I share the gospel, and people are rude, or just shut me down. However, I'm still living, and God has always taken care of me. I promise he will do the same for you.

Let Him use you,
what greater thing with your life can you do
that to let him use you

Love
Natasha

PS. If you would like me to do spoken word at your event, please email me at natashathepoet@yahoo.com

Double P.S. you are good enough.

We Used to be So Close!

We used to be sisters…

And now we don’t know the slightest thing about each other’s lives. Here’s why. I used to have this friend that was closer than my eyelid to my eyeball, closer than my fingers are to the keyboard right now, even closer to me than some of my family members that only live like 30 miles away. We were sisters close. We were friends for years, guys. But this friend and I drifted apart. It wasn’t because of time, and it wasn’t because of distance either. It was honestly because I couldn’t take it anymore! Allow me to elaborate.

So this friend and I went to high school together. We didn’t become good friends until junior year but once we did, we were nearly inseparable.  We would ride home together, have sleepovers, and  talk about all of life every single night on the phone for like 12 hours. Our friendship eventually blossomed to the point where we became best friends for years. Even when you lose most friends once everyone separates for college, we were still two peas in a pod. So what happened to our friendship? GUYS!!!! Now it’s not what you think, we didn’t get into a fight over a guy, because we have VERY different taste in guys, but it’s fair to say that guys are what ultimately ended our “genuine” friendship.

When you are friends with someone long enough, you care about their wellbeing, health, success, love life and all that good stuff; you genuinely want the best for them. In addition, you also accept the baggage that comes along with that person because nobody is perfect. So I started to notice very early on in our friendship that her baggage was men. It was like her demon. She is a beautiful girl: ideal hourglass figure, beautiful smile, medium skin complexion, nice hair, fashionable, and the list goes on. However she must not have seen all this in herself, or believed it because she would always go for the guys that didn’t deserve all that goodness. She would attract guys with her body, and her sheer tight clothes didn’t help. These guys were disrespectful, liars, dogs, sex hungry idiots, and those were the guys she would choose to give her attention to. Obviously, this became a little bit draining for me because being her best friend, she would tell me all about it, then want me to be happy for her. I couldn’t be, however, because she deserved so much better. A pattern started to form. She would talk to the disrespectful sex hungry dog, I would warn her not to, due to her rebellious spirit she would do it anyway, she would end up hurt, and she would cry back to me. This went on with guy after guy for year, after year, after year. It became emotionally draining to be her friend. To make matters worse, she would value the guys “friendship” over my own, by throwing me under the bus to them, when I would tell her she deserved better, believing their lies over my truth, and even expecting me to put up with their disrespect claiming “if your man were disrespectful, you would want me to still accept him”. No honey if mines was, he’d be gone!

Now I wasn’t the only friend she did this too, because this was a lifestyle, but being that I was the one she called on the most, I got the most emotionally draining shit from it. Now what finally was the last straw for me was an incident involving something quite different. She owed me some money, and on several occasions, I asked her for it, and she never gave me it, so I sold the item she owed me money for to someone else who was willing to give me the money for it. She was pissed and felt I did her so wrong. But that isn’t what made me mad. What made me mad was that she told me, that she told the guy whom she was talking to at the time, how wrong I did her, and his opinion of what I did. That’s when the friendship was over to me. I didn’t talk to her for a year, after talking to her several times a day after that. It wasn’t that sole incident that made me conclude that I no longer needed that energy in my life, it was the journey.

When you are going through something, your friends and family are supposed to be there to help push you through the hard times. However, you can push someone to a point where they honestly don’t care anymore. Unfortunately, that’s what happened with her and I. over the years, I prayed for her daily, nightly, hourly to change, but at that time, she wasn’t ready to change. I wanted something so badly for her that she didn’t want for herself. Her problems became my problems. Her actions hurt me and others on many occasions, and she showed no remorse. As a result, she drained every emotion out of me that could even fathom of caring for her friendship anymore. Honestly, afterwards I was more positive, energetic, and happier. I gained new friends that are beyond amazing to me and I’ve just been going up ever since.

Luckily for my former friend, she has changed her ways, and truly and fully accepted Jesus into her life. She no longer acts the way she used to, and no longer craves the attention from men the way she used to. She sings a different tune, and has allowed God to fill that void in her life. So we are friends now, right? No. We are cordial towards each other, but our friendship will never be what it used to be. Perhaps if we both wanted it to go back to the way things were bad enough, it would, but here’s why I think both of us were content with just moving on: Sometimes people are put in your life for a reason, season, or lifetime. She and I were put into each other’s life for a reason and a season. I believe I was put into her life to be the conscious she needed. To support her when she was in a hard time. Pretty much to be there for her and listen to her. I feel that she was put into my life to teach me many things

·         Many examples of red flags to look for when it comes to relationships with guys

·         Red flags to look for when you have a man hungry female friend

·         All women will put a man before you in one way or another

·         Friends ends with “ends” for a reason

·         You can’t change someone, they won’t change until they’re good and ready to

·         Nor should you desire better for them than they desire for themselves, or else they will resent you for it

·         Sometimes friendships need to end before the seed you planted will grow, and that’s ok.

So do I regret spending many years of my life being friends with this person for it to end with pain, disclosure, etc.? No, that’s because I learned A LOT about women, friendships, and life in general being her friend. If I had not, I wouldn’t be able to share this post with you.

Be at peace, and have a wonderful day.

Love,

Natasha

p.s. You are beautiful, lovely, and worthy of love 

NO INTERNET. NO PHONE. 5 HOURS. F M LLLLLLLL

Ok so I’m pissed off like no other right now. Guess why? Because I don’t have internet access right now. I won’t for the rest of the night, so the soonest I’ll have it is 12:30 a.m. tomorrow. For this past semester, and a little bit of last semester, God has forced me to stop relying on my phone because I used to have it glued to my hands, as most of us do today. My bible was on it, (my only one) all my poems, heck I even wrote half of my book on my phone. When I was in social situations, I would use my phone as my crutch so that I wouldn’t have to talk to people, and my friends called me out on it. Now that my iphone5 literally doesn’t have a screen, I can’t use it, and have been without a reliable phone for the past 3-4 months now. No Instagram, Facebook and twitter posts throughout the day, no easy YouTube access. Now I have to rush to the nearest computer or laptop to do those things. That’s what I was going to do tonight, along with my ONLINE homework, but now I’m not able to do that. I am beyond pissed, furious, and angry as hell’s flames are hot. So since God forced me to stop using my phone as a crutch, my emotions tonight show me that they may have moved onto the internet, but think about it. How would you respond if you couldn’t use the internet, or your cell phone for 5 hours? It doesn’t matter how much homework you had, who just uploaded the funniest YouTube video, or what person on Facebook just got engaged, you won’t know until tomorrow! Sounds almost unbearable doesn’t it?

So I’m thinking maybe God is trying to tell me something, because I’m honestly quite frustrated with him and life in general right now. My life pretty much depends on the internet. I have a ton of homework due tomorrow, all of which has to be done through the internet, the only way I can communicate with other human beings right now is through Facebook, and I was going to check my email for a possible spoken word opportunity. So pretty much all I can do is sit here and spend a shit load of time with myself, and God if I so choose. To be quite honest, that’s the last thing I want to do right now, but sometimes we busy our lives up so much, to the point where God gives us a friendly little push and FORCES us to take a break for our own good. I should be thanking God right now, for this “break” even though I have 2 million and 3 things to do, but instead I’m angry with him. Some thanks he gets huh? I’m trying to be as honest as possible, because a lot of us would be feeling the same way right now, if we were in my shoes. We busy ourselves up so much that we stress ourselves out, have anxiety and panic attacks, and make ourselves sick, when in the long run, that stuff won’t even matter because guess what? One day, you and I and everyone else around us is going to die. The only thing that will matter then is not Facebook, not YouTube, not even your friends, or their posts on Instagram. Finals won’t matter either. The only thing that will matter is your relationship with God, and his son. How much time have you spent with him today? More than you have on Instagram? More than you’ve spent studying for your finals? Scary thought huh? I can honestly say I haven’t spent much time with him, but now that I’ve cooled off, I’m about to go spend the next 5 hours with him. You should too.

Love,

Natasha

P.S. everyone has true beauty