Ok so I’m pissed
off like no other right now. Guess why? Because I don’t have internet access
right now. I won’t for the rest of the night, so the soonest I’ll have it is
12:30 a.m. tomorrow. For this past semester, and a little bit of last semester,
God has forced me to stop relying on my phone because I used to have it glued
to my hands, as most of us do today. My bible was on it, (my only one) all my
poems, heck I even wrote half of my book on my phone. When I was in social
situations, I would use my phone as my crutch so that I wouldn’t have to talk
to people, and my friends called me out on it. Now that my iphone5 literally
doesn’t have a screen, I can’t use it, and have been without a reliable phone
for the past 3-4 months now. No Instagram, Facebook and twitter posts
throughout the day, no easy YouTube access. Now I have to rush to the nearest
computer or laptop to do those things. That’s what I was going to do tonight,
along with my ONLINE homework, but now I’m not able to do that. I am beyond
pissed, furious, and angry as hell’s flames are hot. So since God forced me to
stop using my phone as a crutch, my emotions tonight show me that they may have
moved onto the internet, but think about it. How would you respond if you
couldn’t use the internet, or your cell phone for 5 hours? It doesn’t matter
how much homework you had, who just uploaded the funniest YouTube video, or
what person on Facebook just got engaged, you won’t know until tomorrow! Sounds
almost unbearable doesn’t it?
So I’m thinking
maybe God is trying to tell me something, because I’m honestly quite frustrated
with him and life in general right now. My life pretty much depends on the
internet. I have a ton of homework due tomorrow, all of which has to be done
through the internet, the only way I can communicate with other human beings
right now is through Facebook, and I was going to check my email for a possible
spoken word opportunity. So pretty much all I can do is sit here and spend a
shit load of time with myself, and God if I so choose. To be quite honest,
that’s the last thing I want to do right now, but sometimes we busy our lives
up so much, to the point where God gives us a friendly little push and FORCES
us to take a break for our own good. I should be thanking God right now, for
this “break” even though I have 2 million and 3 things to do, but instead I’m
angry with him. Some thanks he gets huh? I’m trying to be as honest as
possible, because a lot of us would be feeling the same way right now, if we
were in my shoes. We busy ourselves up so much that we stress ourselves out,
have anxiety and panic attacks, and make ourselves sick, when in the long run,
that stuff won’t even matter because guess what? One day, you and I and
everyone else around us is going to die. The only thing that will matter then
is not Facebook, not YouTube, not even your friends, or their posts on
Instagram. Finals won’t matter either. The only thing that will matter is your
relationship with God, and his son. How much time have you spent with him
today? More than you have on Instagram? More than you’ve spent studying for
your finals? Scary thought huh? I can honestly say I haven’t spent much time
with him, but now that I’ve cooled off, I’m about to go spend the next 5 hours
with him. You should too.
Love,
Natasha
P.S. everyone has
true beauty
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