We Used to be So Close!

We used to be sisters…

And now we don’t know the slightest thing about each other’s lives. Here’s why. I used to have this friend that was closer than my eyelid to my eyeball, closer than my fingers are to the keyboard right now, even closer to me than some of my family members that only live like 30 miles away. We were sisters close. We were friends for years, guys. But this friend and I drifted apart. It wasn’t because of time, and it wasn’t because of distance either. It was honestly because I couldn’t take it anymore! Allow me to elaborate.

So this friend and I went to high school together. We didn’t become good friends until junior year but once we did, we were nearly inseparable.  We would ride home together, have sleepovers, and  talk about all of life every single night on the phone for like 12 hours. Our friendship eventually blossomed to the point where we became best friends for years. Even when you lose most friends once everyone separates for college, we were still two peas in a pod. So what happened to our friendship? GUYS!!!! Now it’s not what you think, we didn’t get into a fight over a guy, because we have VERY different taste in guys, but it’s fair to say that guys are what ultimately ended our “genuine” friendship.

When you are friends with someone long enough, you care about their wellbeing, health, success, love life and all that good stuff; you genuinely want the best for them. In addition, you also accept the baggage that comes along with that person because nobody is perfect. So I started to notice very early on in our friendship that her baggage was men. It was like her demon. She is a beautiful girl: ideal hourglass figure, beautiful smile, medium skin complexion, nice hair, fashionable, and the list goes on. However she must not have seen all this in herself, or believed it because she would always go for the guys that didn’t deserve all that goodness. She would attract guys with her body, and her sheer tight clothes didn’t help. These guys were disrespectful, liars, dogs, sex hungry idiots, and those were the guys she would choose to give her attention to. Obviously, this became a little bit draining for me because being her best friend, she would tell me all about it, then want me to be happy for her. I couldn’t be, however, because she deserved so much better. A pattern started to form. She would talk to the disrespectful sex hungry dog, I would warn her not to, due to her rebellious spirit she would do it anyway, she would end up hurt, and she would cry back to me. This went on with guy after guy for year, after year, after year. It became emotionally draining to be her friend. To make matters worse, she would value the guys “friendship” over my own, by throwing me under the bus to them, when I would tell her she deserved better, believing their lies over my truth, and even expecting me to put up with their disrespect claiming “if your man were disrespectful, you would want me to still accept him”. No honey if mines was, he’d be gone!

Now I wasn’t the only friend she did this too, because this was a lifestyle, but being that I was the one she called on the most, I got the most emotionally draining shit from it. Now what finally was the last straw for me was an incident involving something quite different. She owed me some money, and on several occasions, I asked her for it, and she never gave me it, so I sold the item she owed me money for to someone else who was willing to give me the money for it. She was pissed and felt I did her so wrong. But that isn’t what made me mad. What made me mad was that she told me, that she told the guy whom she was talking to at the time, how wrong I did her, and his opinion of what I did. That’s when the friendship was over to me. I didn’t talk to her for a year, after talking to her several times a day after that. It wasn’t that sole incident that made me conclude that I no longer needed that energy in my life, it was the journey.

When you are going through something, your friends and family are supposed to be there to help push you through the hard times. However, you can push someone to a point where they honestly don’t care anymore. Unfortunately, that’s what happened with her and I. over the years, I prayed for her daily, nightly, hourly to change, but at that time, she wasn’t ready to change. I wanted something so badly for her that she didn’t want for herself. Her problems became my problems. Her actions hurt me and others on many occasions, and she showed no remorse. As a result, she drained every emotion out of me that could even fathom of caring for her friendship anymore. Honestly, afterwards I was more positive, energetic, and happier. I gained new friends that are beyond amazing to me and I’ve just been going up ever since.

Luckily for my former friend, she has changed her ways, and truly and fully accepted Jesus into her life. She no longer acts the way she used to, and no longer craves the attention from men the way she used to. She sings a different tune, and has allowed God to fill that void in her life. So we are friends now, right? No. We are cordial towards each other, but our friendship will never be what it used to be. Perhaps if we both wanted it to go back to the way things were bad enough, it would, but here’s why I think both of us were content with just moving on: Sometimes people are put in your life for a reason, season, or lifetime. She and I were put into each other’s life for a reason and a season. I believe I was put into her life to be the conscious she needed. To support her when she was in a hard time. Pretty much to be there for her and listen to her. I feel that she was put into my life to teach me many things

·         Many examples of red flags to look for when it comes to relationships with guys

·         Red flags to look for when you have a man hungry female friend

·         All women will put a man before you in one way or another

·         Friends ends with “ends” for a reason

·         You can’t change someone, they won’t change until they’re good and ready to

·         Nor should you desire better for them than they desire for themselves, or else they will resent you for it

·         Sometimes friendships need to end before the seed you planted will grow, and that’s ok.

So do I regret spending many years of my life being friends with this person for it to end with pain, disclosure, etc.? No, that’s because I learned A LOT about women, friendships, and life in general being her friend. If I had not, I wouldn’t be able to share this post with you.

Be at peace, and have a wonderful day.

Love,

Natasha

p.s. You are beautiful, lovely, and worthy of love